Le domande ricorrenti che si pongono molti genitori in situazioni difficili sono:
· "What can we do?"
· "in what we do wrong?"
· "what are the reasons for the behavior of our child?"
There are known risk behaviors apparently conflicting adolescents, including the feelings of inevitability, of unbearable events, attitudes of self-depreciation ipervalutazione or self-accompanied by exaggerated expectations, smoky un'irremovibile ranging from passivity to a frenetic activism that touches everything and nothing captures. From here you can come a feeling of inner emptiness, a feeling of having everything and not be able to enjoy anything, resulting in a need to amplify more and more stimuli to be able to feel the sense of taste. The result is an anxiety to risk of destruction or self-destruction reminiscent of the racing car in Saturday night, the stones thrown from the bridges on highways. Hundreds of decibels into your ears are not enough anymore, and then you want to accentuate the feeling with substances of any kind. In the words of a dear friend "that you can not do con l'anima lo si cerca nella chimica".
Altri comportamenti a cui dedicare attenzione sono le abitudini a far dipendere il proprio divertimento esclusivamente dalle cose svalutando le proprie risorse inventive e, soprattutto, emotive. Oppure l'anticipare comportamenti che vorrebbero apparire adulti, ad esempio precoci tentativi di indipendenza abitativa, affettiva, sessuale, seguiti da altrettanti repentini fallimenti. Il ragazzo, o la ragazza, sembra che diventi improvvisamente adulto. Assume in modo caricaturale tutte le sembianze di comportamento degli adulti. Questi cambiamenti grotteschi, istantanei, paradossalmente possono sedare l'ansia, in quanto contengono un messaggio gattopardesco: pretend to change everything to leave everything as before, I go back and fail.
What does it mean to intervene in these situations?
As parents we can see these behaviors while in their birth, let them see their children, dealing in and out of the parental couple, learn how to capture the common situations, to learn from others and to help each other.
As parents we must learn not to support these behaviors, finding ways to counter them.
contrast may mean trying to make it rewarding, in respect of the group, the lives of individuals belonging to the family. In this way, parents could play a promoting adolescent resources in at least three ways:
1) fostering communication and discussion on emotional reactions, but also the ability to identify and test alternative modes, so expand the repertoire of expression suitable for expression. For example, the boy who goes away from school for a frustration that occurred, should be helped to express all the feelings associated with this situation, as it helped to try and find alternative ways to react to the event, different from abandoning school, learning to balance on every choice pleasures and pains.
2) highlighting the connection between choices and moods and calling for overcoming the irrational ways of thinking, learning to look at the experiences that have already occurred in the first person and those crossed by other people, with the aim to understand if the game worth the candle.
3) stimulating the formation of a unique reference, so as to pave the way to deal with, without damage, the events difficult.
The individual reference, the identification of a lifestyle reminiscent of training inside its own taste. Taste the quality of inner emotions felt, the capacity for pleasure and enthusiasm for what you do. It concerns the ability to engage and continue in a what gives meaning to their lives, to cultivate dreams and set up projects to address problems, to overcome the losses, to go ahead and try that pleasure Prosecutor un' intima soddisfazione.
La discussione, il dialogo in famiglia non è soltanto un mezzo per sviluppare conoscenze e consapevolezze. E' anche una delle vie (rinforzata dallo stare e fare delle attività assieme, dal coltivare degli interessi comuni, ect.) per creare senso di fiducia, affetto e senso di appartenenza. E' una delle vie per creare quelle convinzioni interiori, vere forze interne che possono poi governare il comportamento. Dentro la famiglia, infatti, i figli possono via via giungere a rappresentarsi sia le attese dei genitori circa il loro comportamento e le valutazioni che ne daranno, sia l'immagine complessiva che essi mostrano di avere di loro ( e che sentiranno di not having to deny whether positive or having to change for the better if uncertain or negative). This information and attribution of meaning, can be customized, becoming part of his vision of things and the world, that is, true inner strength that helps the person to reflect their values \u200b\u200band behaviors to make them consistent even when he is alone.
At this point it is important to remember that appear in adolescence, on the one hand, unresolved problems of searching for an identity and a release from the family. And, second, opposing trends emerge Escape / aggression and retreat / dependence nella famiglia.
Allora è fondamentale che i genitori imparino a cogliere i cambiamenti e le specificità dell'adolescenza, per potersi orientare verso quei comportamenti e quel clima relazionale in grado di facilitare una crescita personale sufficientemente sana ed armoniosa.
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